THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! To everyone who donated money to my GoFundMe campaign, shared the link, or have just given your emotional support-- THANK YOU! My goal was to raise about $200 to help cover the cost of parking for when I begin my daily radiation treatments. You all stepped up and raised OVER TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS! I honestly don't even know how to fully communicate my thanks, gratitude, and eternal gratefulness. Like, I still can't even (as the kids would say). Not only will we be able to pay for parking during radiation, but we don't have to worry about any parking costs for the rest of my treatment. And the extra funds will also help with all the costs insurance doesn't cover-- over-the-counter medicines, medical supplies, lotions for radiation burns, etc. Your generosity is overwhelming and I just thank you all so much. More personal and individual "thank you's" will come soon!
And with that, updates!
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| Keep reading, I'll explain this guy and his metaphor below! |
I had my surgery this past Wednesday, and it went as well and as smoothly as it possibly could! Leading up to surgery, it was a complicated mental and emotional state in my mind. Chemo had done its job and shrunk my tumor allowing for a lumpectomy, but knowing that tissue still had to be removed from my breast was scary. My surgeon couldn't promise or guarantee any cosmetic outcome, so I wasn't sure exactly what I would look like.
I know it sounds vain and what should have been the absolute least of my worries, but I was still concerned about what my breast would look like afterward. I mean, I'm a burlesque dancer and a nude figure model. And still a young(ish) woman. I want to look good! And more importantly... I just wanted to still be me. To look in the mirror and see the same body I've had for my entire adult life. All the treatments and chemo had already changed my body (complete loss of my hair, bad skin, weight loss, and so on) that sometimes when I look in the mirror now, I don't recognize that person anymore. She's not me, at least not what I want to look like, and I've dealt with a lot of low self-confidence with my appearance since starting treatment.
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| Immediately after surgery in recover. Yeah, I'm still a bit out of it here... |
Recovery
Now that I am all done with surgery, my second worry was what would recovery be like and how quickly (or long) would it take to bounce back. Before surgery, the lovely information they gave me said I would be able to return to normal activities the following day and that I could even drive! Okay... so I've learned throughout this whole process that any sort of "estimate" of effects or recovery time they have given me has been laughably wrong. If they say I'll have "mild discomfort," that really means horrible pain. If they say I'll be up and about and driving the next day, that probably means two weeks on my butt in bed.
Well this time, I'm happy to say it was somewhere in the middle. My surgery was on Wednesday and the first few days were not pleasant at all. I certainly wasn't doing any driving and needed a lot of help getting up, making food, getting dressed, etc. And I was relying on some narcotic painkillers they gave me. But around Sunday-ish, I wasn't feeling too bad. I was able to take my dog for a walk, cook some meals, etc.
It's been almost a full week now, and I'm relatively good. I still have some major soreness and pain, but it's getting better. The worst isn't even the incision site, it's actually in my arm pit and upper arm where they removed my lymph nodes. When I lift my arm in certain ways, I have a pretty bad pain and super stiffness. It's like there's a rubber band in my arm that is too taut. I'm hoping some stretching exercises will help to increase my mobility in my right arm. And just like when I had all my original biopsies, I'm getting these delightful nerve pains. Just these electric feeling twinges that randomly happen with no warning or movement on my part. So... that sucks. But overall, I'm feeling pretty good about my recovery.
My recovery from chemo is also still ongoing. Unfortunately, several of my chemo side effects are hanging on for dear life. The newest side effect that didn't decide to show up until AFTER I was completely done with chemo and thought I was out of the woods-- changes in my fingernails. And not just "Oh, my nails are getting a little discolored or more brittle" changes. These are changes as in, "Oh, my finger feels like I smashed it in a door and broke it even though I didn't do anything to it... oh, now my nail a week later looks bruised?... oh, now my nail is bleeding out? That's cute... oh, now my nail is actually detaching and continuing to bleed a month later?" Yeah, it's super fun and I'm really excited about it! she said sarcastically.
But in happier news! I am now six weeks since my last dose of chemo and my hair is growing back!! It's still very thin and fine hair, but I'm starting to get quite a bit of fuzz. And fast! A week and a half ago, I didn't have anything at all, and now it seems to be growing quite quickly. It's going to be a while before it's my normal thick hair. But I like this new development!
BEST NEWS OF ALL
I had to save the best for last, right? I am very happy and excited to share that I received a call from my surgeon last night with my pathology results from the breast tissue samples and lymph nodes that were removed during surgery.
ALL SAMPLES WERE FREE OF CANCER CELLS!!
Prior to chemotherapy, I obviously had a huge tumor full of rapidly and aggressively dividing cancer cells (a grade 3 tumor, which is the worst). Those cancer cells had also spread to my lymph nodes (not good at all). During surgery, they removed four of my lymph nodes that all had evidence and signs that cancer had been in them. With that knowledge, based on my tumor size and number of lymph nodes involved, my cancer is staged at probably a Stage 3a (stages range from 1-4).
But chemo did its thing. It *really* did its thing. My surgeon said I have had what is known as a "pathological complete response." This is the best news and outcome I could receive. It means the chemo obliterated/destroyed all the cancer cells in my breast and lymph nodes. Studies have shown that women who go through neoadjuvant chemotherapy, are HER2+, and have "pCR" in both their breast and lymph nodes have the highest rates of disease-free and overall survival. In some cases, the percentages almost double!
A recent study showed that women who were treated with a HER2-targeted drug (like Herceptin) and had a pCR in the lymph nodes (so basically what has happened to me) had a ten-year overall survival rate (living with or without cancer) of 92% and a ten-year recurrence free survival rate (living without the cancer returning) of 89%! I really, really like those odds. You can read more about this medical study HERE.
So with this news, I've started to get over some of the initial "I'm going to die" shock and have moved on to "I'm probably not going to die, at least not this year." And that feels like a much better place to be mentally. I feel like I found the hidden 1-Up Mushroom and have gained an extra life for now!
(I have started a new hobby-- felting! And made this little guy to celebrate my new good news. More on felting in a later post.)
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| Extra life granted! |
"But, Ramona, you had a pCR and all the cancer is gone and cut out of your body. No more cancer! No more treatment! You're like cured, right?"
Good question! No... I'm not "cured," as there isn't a cure for breast cancer. And I can't yet proclaim loudly that I'm cancer-free. In fact, I won't ever be able to claim that. The best I can hope to claim is that my body shows "No Evidence of Disease" or that I am NED. It's important to understand that being NED is not being cured or cancer-free, and it is not a guarantee that the cancer is completely gone for good or that I won't have a recurrence or that a new cancer won't develop. Doctors and researchers don't fully know or understand why cancers can seem gone or lay dormant for years or decades and then come back.
I don't mean to sound all "doom and gloom," especially in light of my super great news! It is good news, the best news! But the reality is I will always be dealing with this disease. And it's so important that those who haven't gone through cancer understand that. It really is more like finding an extra life in a video game-- sure, I'm good now. But that same Goomba might come back out of nowhere and take that life away at any moment. I just have to hope that if it does come back, I can find another extra life or just stay alive in the level for as long as I can.
Anywayyyy--- next steps for me! I still have to go through at least a month of daily radiation treatments! Why? I don't know. That's just the way it has to be! (See... I'm not NED yet, so still gotta get that sweet, sweet radiation.) And I will continue to get my Herceptin infusions every three weeks for the next seven months. It seems like I've come a long way since my diagnosis, but unfortunately I am still nowhere near being finished with my active treatments! Which is decidedly not fun to contemplate, but at this point I want to make sure I do everything I can to get to that NED designation!
Okay, I think I have gone on and on enough in this post! As always, thank you for your love and support and all of your positive thoughts, good vibes, and prayers as I continue on with treatments!
