I come to you today from my bed where I have been basically stuck since last week. It isn't quite as bad as it sounds-- previously, I had been stuck on my couch all day binge watching questionable 90s television shows (I'm not saying 7th Heaven... but I'm kind of saying 7th Heaven) and feeling miserable. Now I am doing the same thing (although currently my new show is Charmed), but from the luxurious comfort of my bed! Noah brought my old TV up from the basement, so I am all set to do some relaxing and recovering from our bed. Before I started treatment, we purchased a California King sized Purple Mattress, and it is wonderful and highly recommended if you are in the market for a new mattress or bed situation.
But enough about that! You didn't come here for reviews of bedding!
MAJOR MILESTONE ACHIEVED!
That's right! This past Tuesday, I had my FINAL ROUND of chemotherapy!!! It's been a long and miserable and torturous four months. I've had to endure the worst physical and bodily challenges I have ever faced, not to mention emotional and mental troubles. I have felt broken, ugly, worthless, useless. I've lost weight. I've lost all my hair. I've made emergency trips to the hospital just to be rehydrated because I could barely stand. I've endured needles and swallowing more pills than I have ever wanted to swallow. I've had sleepless nights from being in so much pain that I couldn't stand it and every muscle and joint in my body burned. At least at some point of every cycle I have said to Noah, "I'm done. I can't/won't do this anymore. I don't want to go back."
But I did go back. Every time, for every session. It seems like simple common sense, to just show up when they tell you for treatment. But many of my chemo nurses have told me that a lot of people don't show up. They don't come in for treatment. So just by showing up each time, I feel like I have accomplished something.
And what has 18 weeks of hell given me? Well, a lot of great news!
See Ya Later, Tumor!
Every cancer is different, and every breast cancer is different. Most women will actually have chemo after their surgeries. And not everyone needs or will benefit from chemotherapy. In fact, a groundbreaking study was just released about a special test breast cancer patients can have that will show them whether they will benefit from chemo at all! This test means that tens of thousands of women each year will NOT need to go through chemo because it has no added benefit for them or their survival. It is amazing news!! The test doesn't apply to me or the type of breast cancer I have, but so many women will now have the confidence to trust their care team when they are told chemo is not the best option.
So why did I have to go through chemo first? (Not-so) Quick recap!
I was doing what is known as neoadjuvant chemotherapy, or basically chemo beforehand. In my case, we jump back to what is feeding my cancer, specifically the HER2 protein. For women who are HER2+, chemo before having surgery can have many benefits. The biggest one is shrinking the tumor.
In my case, I had a pretty big tumor. When I had my initial scans and tests, my tumor was measuring in at 3.6 cm by 3.5 cm. For you math nerds, throw in some Pythagorean Theorem, and that's basically a 5 cm tumor. That's large. That's a tumor that was growing quickly and growing bigger each day. If you recall from past blogs, I could easily feel it. It was huge.
From the beginning, my surgeon told me that at the size that it was, I still could have been a candidate for a lumpectomy and not a full mastectomy. However, removing that much tissue would likely leave me pretty physically altered in my right breast. By doing special, targeted chemo first, we had a chance of shrinking the tumor down to make a lumpectomy easier and result in a better cosmetic appearance for me. Chemo would also hopefully stop the spread and growth of any other cancer cells in my body. We knew it was already in my lymph nodes, which was very concerning. I was willing to do anything to make sure it didn't spread anywhere else. Killing and shrinking the cancer in my lymph nodes before surgery would also hopefully limit the number of nodes I would need removed.
So blah, blah, blah, Ramona... what is the end result? Well, I am OVERJOYED to announce that my once 5 cm tumor now only measures 0.5 cm by 0.6 cm! There still may be a little tumor tissue left behind, but it is, for the most part, GONE! I am so happy. All of this hell and side effects and missing out on life and school and work and everything has been worth it.
Next Steps
What does this all mean for the next steps of treatment? Next up is surgery. Even though the tumor has mostly disappeared, I still have to have surgery. I had another mammogram and ultrasound a few weeks ago, and there do not appear to be anymore or new surprises in my breast (other than no more tumor). This week I am going in for another MRI to get even more images and just to make sure everything still looks okay on the left side. Because my genetic tests were also all negative for any breast cancer markers, we are planning on a lumpectomy. I was mentally preparing myself to lose my breast(s), but I am thankful that it does not look like that will be happening.
My surgeon will still need to go in and remove whatever is left of the tumor. Additionally, margins of healthy, cancer-free tissue will need to be removed all around the area. At the same time, he will also be removing about 3-5 lymph nodes that will need to be tested for traces of cancer. The hope is that I will only need a "one and done" surgery. However, once all these tissues and samples are removed, everything will be tested in the lab. There is a 10% chance that I will need to have an additional surgery to remove more tissue margins around where the tumor is or possibly more lymph nodes. This fact is the one thing that kind of sucks-- even with all the imaging and tests, my surgeon won't really know what is in there until he goes in. But he's one of the absolute best in the country and I have full faith in him. And while he told me he can't guarantee the final cosmetic result, he does promise that his goal is to go in and make it look like he was never there. And that's reassuring.
So, "too long, didn't read"-- chemo shrunk tumor, getting a lumpectomy, need a final MRI before I can schedule, hopefully only one surgery, and then hopefully can move on to next step of radiation! (I'll cover radiation in another post... I told you this treatment was no where close to being over, even with chemo finished!)
GoFund Me Fundraiser!
I'm mentioning this one last because I honestly hate, hate, hate asking for money. It pains me just even asking for help, like people coming over to make me lunch, but I know I have so many people who want to help and support me, and here is another way you can do so.
I am extremely fortunate in that my insurance seems to be covering all of my treatment. I have no deductible or maximum out of pocket. I've had a few scares where insurance has denied some things, but the hospital has been great about appealing and fighting on my behalf. So hopefully I can keep it that way and not have to see any medical bills.
One thing that is not covered, though, is the high cost of parking and transportation. Up until now, it hasn't seemed too bad since most of my visits are spread out. Validated parking at the hospital is $11 for seven hours. Not bad. And when I only have to go there once or twice a week, it adds up, but doesn't seem too awful.
Unfortunately, I will soon be starting radiation after my surgery. Radiation is different. Whereas chemo was once every three weeks with some appointments in between, radiation will be EVERY DAY for at least 4 weeks. The worst part is that the radiation procedure is very quick, only about 20 minutes. So even though I will be at the hospital for less than an hour every day, I still have to pay the $11. Multiply that by at least 20 days all at once... it's a big chunk of money. Over the past five months, we've probably spent about $200 on parking. This will be more than that all in one month.
I am not currently working, and I have some amazing friends, family, and mostly my partner who have been paying for parking when we go, but the prospect of that much in a short time is a lot.
So I am asking for help. My wonderful friend Erica set up a GoFund Me page for these costs! You can find it--
My goal isn't much. Just enough to cover the costs of parking for my radiation treatments and then also as a reserve for the rest of my Herceptin infusions which will continue throughout all of this, every three weeks until March 2019. A donation of $11 pays for one trip. But any amount is helpful!! And everything adds up.
Again, I hate asking for money. Like... you don't even know. But I have been advised to just let go of that and to let people help who want a way to do so.
So, in advance, thank you beyond words for your help and continued support! I still have a long treatment plan, but I'm one step closer. And still alive! Which is everything.
